Birds of feathers...

The goose controls traffic on the pond.


The duck’s shiny green head was either covered in sweat or water. I’m not sure. “Quack quack quack!” was duck-speak for “Stay the fuck away from my fucking bread crumb you grey bitches! It’s already in my mouth! You’ll have to kill me to get it!” These cries were always ignored.

Unfortunately for the duck, seagulls do not speak, nor do they understand duck. So they continued to swoop and attack, breadlessly. Had the duck been able to speak gull, he might have been able to explain the situation to them. But in the lake, geese speak Canadian (which is really amazing, given their small brain size), gulls speak gull, and duck speak duck. None of them understand each other (and nobody other than the geese and the Canadians understand Canadian, so…), and despite the volume of each other’s cries, they remain ignorant of the simple facts at wing. This was not the only problem. The gulls were far more numerous than the ducks, who in turn outfeathered the geese five to one. The geese had the advantage of size; however, this prevented them from venturing out too far onto the ice, as they might fall in. The ducks, on the other wing, could survive in any environment, so long as the seagulls were kept completely unawares of bread crumbs landing on the ice. When bread hit the ice, it sent a shockwave, much like a dog whistle to a dog, that only the seagulls could feel. So keeping the gulls at bay was not an easy task. Furthermore, the ducks abhorred cooperation. One duck’s crumb was his own, and the other ducks would need to find their own. The gulls had the great advantage of short-range flight. While the ducks slipped on the ice, though they never fell, the gulls could swoop in and attack as they pleased, with the grace only a gull possesses.

So, I guess it would be fair to say that things on the lake were at a stalemate for a while. The geese did what they pleased, wherever they pleased. But competition for food caused them to roam the shallows mostly. The geese, as I’ve said, being very intelligent realized that they could take on a partner, get more food, and rule the lake. The ducks, being extremely individualistic, were not the good partners, so the geese decided on the gulls. The geese could rule the gulls, get their food from the gulls, and control the lake. In return, they could keep the ducks away from the crumbs on the ice, and thusly let the gulls feed. All in all, the geese decided, it was a very good plan. The geese brought their idea to the gulls, and the gulls were enthusiastic. (The reader will state, "You said gulls cannot understand geese, nor the opposite." Indeed. But much like you cannot understand Russian, you can understand a slap upside the head from a Russian, much as a Russian understands you stomping on his toe.) The geese explained their plan by drawing on the ice with their beaks, and through a great deal of wing-waving. It was in this way that the gulls, dimwitted though they were, realized that once the ice melted, the deal would be off and they’d have to pick crumbs up off the ground, approved the gaggle’s plan at their biweekly Gull Association meeting, and returned to the geese with a contract in hand the following morning. What we see here, then, is the happy truce between the geese and the gulls at work. Notice the ducks (forefront) remaining in the water, as the geese signal to the gulls that it is acceptable for them to come forward and take their crumbs from the water’s edge.


BTW, the photo is copyright Tweedlegirl. Any distribution, copying, or republishing is forbidden without the express written consent of Tweedlegirl (email me).